I guess there is no way around it. I suck at updating this thing. I wish I spent more time in self-reflection, but from the looks of it I never take a moment to record it all or ponder it all.
Our house is settled. I have two awesome roommates (on top of James). We are like one huge family, seriously. We eat dinner I cook every night. We go out together, laugh together, and hang out every single day. I so prefer living with roommates. They are both super clean and our house stays perfectly presentable. We have a friend or two over almost every night, but I love it that way. I love being around laughter and friends. Some people don't understand why James and I wanted roommates, but for me it makes perfect sense. It is too easy to get lost and depressed living alone, to get into some routine where you never leave the house. With roommates and friends someone is always making you do something new, and someone is always there to chat with. I can get my privacy when I want, but most the time I love the interaction.
I know which classes I am taking. One is on the comparative rise and fall of empires since 1500, another is on nationalism post colonialism is SE asia by a prof who is reported as the best at Georgetown. I am excited. I have my language exams in a couple weeks (French and Russian). I am ready to get started in school but enjoying the last bits of summer. I can't wait to walk through the grounds at Georgetown as a student. It is the highest point in the city, so anywhere I am, any time, I can see the college. It is so beautiful and even more so at night. It feels like such an accomplishment and I can't wait to just make it real.
Finn is holding up. He is feeling better now he has started the lyme treatment, and I just hope the surgery goes well. Trance looks AMAZING and I am happy I have two perfect boys so one can always lug me around if the other isn't up to it. :) James has been so amazingly supportive of my horses (and dogs). He never ever mentions how much of my time and money goes to them, never ever questions my decision to keep Trance, and didn't bat an eye when I told him Finn needed surgery. Seriously, it is almost impossible for someone who is not myself to take it all in stride, but he does. He has come out the past two days to help me fix up Finn's feed containers (60 different pills a feeding, which we have to count out and mix in). Trance loves him (probably because he shares his energy drinks), but it is like watching a guy who is great with your children (I imagine). It is a relief he is simply supportive and never critical about this odd hobby that means so much to me.
It is finally hot here. Hottest day this year today so far (96), which means that we will end up having like two weeks of summer heat. I'll take it!
Life is rolling along, can't wait until my income picks up with the school year. I'm hanging by threads right now, but once the income comes along I should be debt free by December and hopefully Finn will be healthy and happy.
I have been terrible at updating this. I have spent the summers riding every morning and Finn has been doing great. At his first show he got the best dressage score I have ever gotten.
I went to Chicago for Lollapalooza. I stayed with xtiana and we enjoyed unhealthy food and sunshine. I got to see Gav and his girl that I actually really liked. Lots of sun, live music, and smiles. I loved Depeche Mode, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs! were the BEST show I have ever seen live, and I also adored Jane's Addiction. On my last day there we went to Warren Dunes state park in Michigan and laid on the beach for hours.
Happiness.
When I came home my lovely fiance surprised me with a huge bookcase in my (to that point) office full of rubbermaids with books and a desk. He also got me a lovely rug from West Elm.
Finn had been acting weird before I left town and I got him tested for lyme. It came back positive (but is treatable in horses) so I ended up getting a full physical done. One of his pasterns was bothering him in flexion so we pulled x-rays. He has a bone chip (it has been there for years apparently). So, a lot of tears later I have accepted he needs surgery on both front legs to remove the bone chip and reshape cartiledge. He is getting surgery next week then will have 6 weeks of rehab. Financially it is a murderous series of events, but it is what it is and I will be fine. I can't wait to see how he is under saddle since he has been amazing and has apparently been in pain.
James surprised me that morning with this double sofa set we had been eyeing for the basement. I am so thrilled about it but felt bad I couldn't get appropriately excited because I was so shocked about Finn needing surgery.
I truly have the most amazing man in my life. He is so thoughtful and so supportive.
I loved seeing so many friends this summer and having a lovely summer in DC. The weather has been 75 in the mornings and 85 with a breeze in the day all summer. Unbelievable!
It is back to work now and I start school in two weeks. I have two people working for me full time this year instead of 8 working part time. Hopefully that means I can manage all the new client referrals (we have a waiting list!) while also being in school. Time will tell.
Hope everyone is doing alright. I promise to try to write more, especially since I can't ride out my stress for a while. Lots of good things in my life, and the not perfect things like Finn having surgery I am just going to deal with and keep my chin up.
The Proust Questionnaire has its origins in a parlor game popularized (though not devised) by Marcel Proust, the French essayist and novelist, who believed that, in answering these questions, an individual reveals his or her true nature. Here is the basic Proust Questionnaire.
1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
simplicity. simple uncomplicated love like with James, simple uncomplicated joy like when riding. Uncorrupted and uncomplicated.
2. What is your greatest fear?
dying. i cannot come to terms with letting all this life just disappear. At the same time, I realize that its finiteness is what makes me love it all so much.
3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
interrupting others and an inability to just shut up at times
4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
i sat here for a few minutes debating this. i don't know to be honest, because by default my line of work (genocide studies) has taught me to question all assumptions and judgments on others. maybe, then, it is a person incapable of empathy.
5. Which living person do you most admire?
there are so many. and they aren't famous, they are my friends. i think most of my friends are truly amazing in all their different ways. i also adore my future husband.
6. What is your greatest extravagance?
my horses.
7. What is your current state of mind?
contentment.
8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
physical attractiveness.
9. On what occasion do you lie?
i don't think there is an 'occasion,' but i imagine if it can save someone in trouble to lie and have no moral conflict over the lie itself i would have no problem.
10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
i refuse to answer this. disliking my appearance is a waste of time and not worth mental focus.
11. Which living person do you most despise?
a number of war criminals living in hiding.
12. What is the quality you most like in a man?
Good moral character
13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?
same
14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
hot mess
fuck
wtf?
15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
what: riding
who: james
16. When and where were you happiest?
i can honestly say i am happiest at this very moment in my life. i hope i can always say that.
17. Which talent would you most like to have?
i would love to be able to dance or play a musical instrument (both things i can conquer with effort)
18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
talk less, listen more intently.
19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
going through the death of my father, unexpectedly, and still finishing my last year in college, with an honors thesis and traveling for 3 months like i planned before his death. i kept my head high when it would have been easy and reasonable to fall apart. im proud of that, he would be too.
20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
horse? bird?
21. Where would you most like to live?
Permanently? Impossible! But where i would like to raise a family (which is as permanent as i can get) is somewhere like Colorado or Eastern Europe. I want to be in a small-medium city, live on acreage with animals, raise a family that knows literature and gets to experience sports and outdoors.
22. What is your most treasured possession?
i could let go of everything, and i mean everything, if my fiance and animals were fine. if i had to pick a thing it would be pictures of me and my father.
23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
letting go of a person you love to death. it's permanent and irreversible and the scariest black hole to ever see into.
24. What is your favorite occupation?
i love teaching, whether it be history or chemistry or horse riding lessons. i also love being a student.
25. What is your most marked characteristic?
I have no idea.
26. What do you most value in your friends?
their passion for what they do in the face of good and bad times. their honesty and their ability to make me laugh.
27. Who are your favorite writers?
Vonnegut, Krauss, Dostoevsky, Flaubert, Tolstoy, (this could go on forever). it depends on my point in life, 100%
28. Who is your hero of fiction?
This is hard to explain. I never understood or empathized with a person who cheated until I read Anna Karenina. I am nothing like her and never thought I could love a cheater, but I completely fell in love with her. I think she is my hero because she helped me understand a character/person type that I swore would never make sense to me.
29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?
There are people I identify with in terms of goals in life (Sergio Vieiro de Mello) and others I identify with personally in terms of internal morals (the many I have read in my studies who went through extraordinary trials like genocide and rose to the occasion)
30. Who are your heroes in real life?
the everyday people who do jobs with little recognition and go home to be a good parent and a good spouse and just appreciate life
Sunday - horse show at CDCTA
I have been really bad about updating my booklist, so I am just going to try to remember what I can.
I am drawing a blank for other books. I am in the middle of The Looming Tower and it is AMAZING so will let you know when I finish that.
I made it through another Father's day without a father. I actually got the chance to go to a one-day event and got to see old friends and be around the sun and fields and horses. And that was nice. But then on the way home I got the most blinding headache that can only come from the emotional tsunami that smacks me in the back of the head sometimes. Absence. So all I want to do is get home and eat, but my fiance just plays stupid when I call and ask him to cut up some bell peppers. So then I get home and my head is pounding and I just make food for everyone and go to bed at 9. My mom calls and wakes me up at 9:45 but I just hang up.
I'm worn out and tired of so many things.
If I could talk to dad now, I would. Instead I guess I'll just go lay in a bed I need to make in a house I need to clean.
I can't explain the void.
My headache is back.
I am just going to buck up and dive into Russian. For my field I simply will eventually need Russian, so no point perfecting my German when Russian would be more relevant (though require much more work to be ready for exams in August). I can do it.
#007
I agree with his central message which is simply 'spend less than you make.' I like that he pushes the idea of simplicity, and how ridiculous consumer spending has gotten. He lectures on people who are 'keeping up with Joneses' to the detriment of their financial security. So, in that manner it is good.
He sets a plan. I would recommend it to a friend despite the repetitive writing. It is a system you have to commit to 100% but I know people who have with great results.
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Recent Comments
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Tony said:
Congrats to you too for Georgetown! I hope your horse gets better! You Rock! read more
on never leave lonely alone -
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Christina <3 said:
Aw, I'll be back "in town" someday. I'll let you know when I'm there again. Rest up (and have a... read more
on so tired and sore. so tired. so sore. -
Jenn said:
I think that is SO great.I feel like I can hear the excitement in your voice....:) read more
on so tired and sore. so tired. so sore.
Maybe you want to sit in silence because, with all this go-go-go, silence is what your mind and body is... read more
on i suck at updating